DON'T ASK THEM HOW THEY ARE

© Dudley C. Pye AM JP

Coming up to seventy-five,
Kids amazed I'm still alive,
Not sure about the other kith and kin,
But I'm alive and I'm still kicking,
Eying fruits ripe for the picking,
Moving quietly with not a lot of din!

Had my share of life's setbacks,
Hearty meals and hasty snacks,
Salivated over sparkling pots of brew,
Many friends to my life enhance,
But you leave yourself without a chance,
When you ask the simple question, "How are you?"

They'll inform you of their many ills,
The size and shape of their many pills,
Without them the chemist would go broke,
Line them up in tidy rows,
Medications for head and toes,
Including one to prevent a nasty stroke!

Nasal spray for their adenoids,
Suppositories for their Haemorrhoids,
Nicely sealed in shiny silver wrap,
Valium for depression woes,
Tinea powder between the toes,
Sleeping pills in case you need a nap.

Anti-histamine for sinus bout,
Tiny pills for painful gout,
Smelling salts to return to concentration,
Special pills for a blocked Aorta,
Stops heart attacks from any quarter,
Coloxyl pills unblock the constipation.

Drink half a gallon of fluid a day,
Lasix to take all that away,
Uncertainty if you have a giddy spell,
Blood pressure gone up through the roof,
 Face all red and that's the truth,
Try some Panadol to make you well.

Mouldy molars long since went,
False ones soak in Steradent,
Leaving a ghastly gash there in their stead,
Plastic fangs of pink and white,
Leering at you in the night,
Submarine like in a glass beside the bed!

Even thems what know their onions,
Can't find a way to cure their bunions,
To ease the Arthritis of the back,
Sudafed for when they sneeze,
Ventolin to fix the wheeze,
More Valium to halt the panic attack!

They talk of quiver of the liver,
Chilly mornings make them shiver,
Hardening of the arteries two or three,
Grating hips that need some oil,
And their blood can sometimes boil,
Now they find it very hard to pee!

Waterworks ain't working well,
Old blokes know, they can tell,
Serious problem and one that shouldn't wait,
Doctor listens with actions still,
Prescribing yet another pill,
Then it's time to check the old Prostate.

Rubber gloved hand at the ready,
Cautions to lay nice and steady,
Ready to invade an inner dominion,
Ask the Doc with consummate ease,
Could he use two fingers please?
You'd really, really like a second opinion.

Now and then some Diarrhoea,
A couple now with Pyorrhoea,
Maybe a just touch of Gingivitis,
A couple of beers are all it takes,
To bring upon a bout of shakes,
Now they're up there with old St Vitus!

They talk of problems with their sight,
Watery eyes out in the light,
Cascading like a miniature Niagra,
Things they did before a sleep,
Don't happen now so they weep,
'Cause you can't claim Medicare for Viagra.

In your ramblings on the street,
Encounter those you chance to meet,
Doesn't matter whether near or far,
If they're over sixty-five,
Looking a little less alive,
Never ever ask them how they are.