Well most of the stories and yarns we've been looking at come straight out of people's experiences today. In fact it's interesting to note that no one thought to dig out a good old bushie's yarn from yesteryear. Perhaps it's as Tom said, we're all good little suburbanites these days.  But one man who has spent a lot of his time outback is the very same man whom Jim Haynes was talking about, just now, Ted Egan. And it was no coincidence that Ted was sitting with us in the group, who were telling yarns and who I was recording at the 1995 Illawarra Folk Festival at Jamberoo in NSW.
Ted and Nerys were guests of the festival and I had asked them both to come and join in one of the yarn spinning sessions. And one day, I will keep the promise I made to myself as much as to Ted, to go and record him, when he's at home in the Alice and get him to relate some of his many yarns. Many of them true experiences he has had in his many years, working with Bill Harney, living in the Alice, travelling Australia and being a folk singer and songwriter. But that's another story.
So here's a yarn told by Ted himself and which takes us back to his days as a drover.
Ted Egan:
“I got a job with this fella named Tom Burrows and it was good! He had this contract to take successive mobs of cattle from Julia Creek in Queensland to Cunnamulla near the NSW border. And it used to take us about 12 weeks to walk the cattle down. When we got to Cunnamulla we used to sell our plant of horses as well, because they were very short of horses in that region. And that enabled us to not only make a bit of extra money but to get back quickly in the truck to bring the next mob of cattle down. So it was twelve weeks down, but only two days back in the truck and that was it! Twelve weeks down, two days back. Twelve weeks down, two days back and we did pretty well, except for one trip. And you know what, I can see it on a few the faces here today. The look those old bushies get, when they get a bit edgy about the booze.
 Tom Burrows, “Oooooh!. He had a liver like a blanket and he wouldn't talk to me on the way down. I thought, “We're going to have problems when we get to Cunnamulla” and sure enough we did. We delivered the cattle and sold the horses and then over the pub he goes and he marches in and he gives the bar an almighty whack with his fist and says,
“Hit me with the motorbike special!” and the barman says, “Pardon” and Tom says, “Rrrrrruuuummmmm!” And a big fist comes over the bar and the barman says, “That's a free rum is it Mr Burrows?” And Burrows says “That's right son! Free rum!” So the barman pours him a quadruple rum and he throws it down and says, “Another one!” Downs that and says, “Another one!” And I'm watching this and thinking, “My God, we'll be here for a month!”
At midnight, he was starting to get a bit full. So I marched him very courageously, I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and the ass of his trousers and marched him out of the pub. Then I threw him in the back of the truck and pulled the camp sheet over his head and I started driving northwards, furiously. I was heading for Julia Creek.
I drove all night and as you can appreciate, the next morning I'm an absolute wreck! I stopped the truck and jumped out for a dingo's breakfast and Burrows wakes up in the back and yells out “Where am I? Where am I?” And I said, “Don't you remember? We left the Cunnamulla pub at midnight and you were a disgrace!” And he started to cry. He goes “Oooooh! Ooooh!” in a sob and I said “What's wrong?” He said, “I've got a hangover so big you could photograph it.” I said, “Never mind Tom, just lie in the back in your swag. I'll drive, but I have to go fairly fast, because it'll take two days and two nights to get to Julia Creek. If we're not there, we'll blow the contract on the cattle.”
And then he looked at me and said, “Where is he? Where is he?” And I said, “Who?” He said, “Where's Bluey?” and I thought “Oh God! I didn't even think of the dog, I was so busy looking after you.” He said, “Back!” And I said, “We can't go back, Tom. We'll lose the contract if we're not there in two days time. I'm going to have to drive day and night to get us there. He said “Well, what do I do about my dog, son?” I said, “It's very simple. Bluey's an intelligent old dog, which is more than I can say for his owner. You mark my words, Bluey will be sitting, at this moment, at the point where he next expects to see you.” I said, “As soon as we get to Julia Creek, ring up on the phone, someone can find him, put him on a truck or a coach, send him up to us and we'll have him for the next mob of cattle. It's as easy as that!”
And he goes, “Ooooh! Ooooh! Oooh!” And I said “What's wrong with that?” He said, “I've never used one of those eau de cologne gadgets in my life!” And I said, “Well here's your bloody chance to learn. It's your dog and you're the one who got drunk and you make the phone call.” So I drove flat out for two days and two nights and we arrived just in time to take delivery of the cattle! And then I witnessed the spectacle of Tom Burrows, the man who can walk cattle across Australia and he's shaking like a leaf and he's roaring like a scrub bull at the prospect of his first ever telephone call. And he goes, “Ooooh! Ooooh!” And I took him over and I put the money in the box for him and I dialled the number and I handed him the phone. Well, he puts the handle away out from his face and I made him put it closer to his mouth and then he yells, “Hullo, is that the Cunnamulla Hotel? And the barman says, “Cunnamulla Hotel, who's this calling, please?”
“This is Tom Burrows, the drover. Do you recall me, perchance?
He said, “Yeah I remember you, Mr Burrows, you're the man who speaks loudly and drinks a lot of rum. Is that the one?” Pleased as punch, Burrows says, “Yeah, that's right. You picked me at one. Well done! Now listen m'boy, I'm ringing about my dog. He's a good sort of a dog. He's a Blue Heeler cattle dog, intelligent fella and he answers to the name of “Bluey”. Have you seen such a beast around the premises m'boy? And the barman says, “Mr Burrows, as I speak to you, he's looking at me. He's been sitting by the 'fridge door for the last two days. And Tom said, “Put him on the phone, would you son.” So the barman puts the phone down by the dog's ear and Tom says “Blue, Bluey, Bluey! Come here boy, come on!!! And starts whistling.
“And do you know what? That dog arrived in Julia Creek in a day and a half! And that's a true story, would I lie to you?!”
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Ted Egan with a brilliant yarn in the classic style! And my thanks to him for telling that story to the audience at the Illawarra Folk Festival, back in 1995 and as well to the radio audience of ABC Radio National's “A Swag Of Yarns”. And I hope he won't mind me passing it on to you the reader. As I hope nobody minds. With no addresses to contact people and sometimes no names. I trust that everyone will allow me license. However, I must note that none of these stories may be copied or printed in any other form. Copyright rules both for the yarn-spinner and for this article as well as for Simply Australia.
I should say here, that I don't intend to plunder my library of radio programs, just so that I can contribute articles to Simply Australia. But, those programmes and recordings, I produced, remain a wonderful source of inspiration for me and are well worth sharing, if not with those who were radio listeners, then certainly and where it's appropriate, with you the e-zine reader. And gradually as the months go by, I will develop a pattern and sequence of yarns, myths and legends along with interviews, tributes and special features.
And all any of us can ask you to do is spread the word far and wide and hope that as many folk fans and enthusiasts as possible around Australia and the world will get to log on and enjoy Simply Australia.
By the way did you notice the coincidences in these yarns? There were connections between Jim Haynes and Ted Egan and Alice Springs and the people who owned the farm in Toogum, called Burrowes and Ted's droving mate also called Burrows. I promise I did not put these stories together like that deliberately!
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